Sales is not all about quotas, and targets, and revenue. It’s also about having private Slack channels to discuss non-work-related stories, forwarding sales-related memes to each other, about getting drunk at office dinners and saying things that you should regret but you won’t because everyone was too drunk to remember it the next morning.
What do you think would happen if sales folks were to assemble for a Thanksgiving dinner? Here are the categories that we think we could slot each one of them into.
Which one of these types do you identify with?
#1 The Fresh Crop
These are the newbies of the team. Fresh out of college, they just can’t wait to close their first deal. Using corporate jargon makes them feel smarter so they make a conscious effort to punctuate their sentences with words like sales prospecting, lead qualification, buyer intent, technographic, etc. They’re the youngest looking at the party but everyone knows exactly how many wrinkles will be lining their face by the time the next Thanksgiving dinner arrives.
#2 The Master Shifu
This one is the senior-most person in the team, almost zen-like. He speaks with the CEO on a first-name basis and has to sign every important paper. His primary responsibility is to take all the fresh crops under his wings and transform the clumsy ones from the lot into hardcore professionals. He has a ton of knowledge that he’s gathered over the years and he can’t stop himself from sharing it—even when people are barely looking up from their dinner plates.
#3 The Fun Gang
Where do all the puns, jokes, and pranks come from? From these folks, of course! They are usually the ones to kickstart the party and also make plans for the after-party scenes. Their sense of humor and creativity not only wins them deals but also gets them into trouble because everyone knows who’s responsible for stuffing the salt jar with sugar.
Keep the “beverages” (and sugar) away from this lot because they definitely don’t need any more of it!
#4 The Yes-man
This person is everyone’s best friend and he hates to disappoint others. He’ll be the one waltzing across the room because he’ll want to greet everyone in the room unfailingly.
He will shower you with the best compliments; request to get you a refill of your drink; heck, he will even agree to give you a ride back home because he just can’t say no.
#5 The Alpha
Your brain starts playing “Eye of the Tiger” as soon as this person enters the room.
They just command a rugged background score like that one. They look intimidating, and they’ve got a persona that is too grand to be contained in the room. You can’t tell if they’re enjoying the food or not because their expressions give away nothing.
They own the record of using the best of sales processes and following up strategically with a conversion rate that proves their mettle.
#6 The Night Owl
Want someone to fill in night shifts during your peak sales seasons? These are your people! Their bodies comprise 90% caffeine and their sales skills are 100% on point after the sun sets. These late-night ravers take care of all your prospects who sit outside of your time zones.
They are also among the last set of people to walk into the party and insist that the party’s just begun; at 1:00 AM.
#7 The YOLO Hero
This person will be the one getting drunk and having the time of their lives at the dinner because what if tomorrow never comes? Nothing can deter him from doing what he’s decided to do.
He’ll continue client calls even during mock fire drills and will be the most likely to schedule Zoom calls even during vacation time. He’ll finish what he’s started despite everything—and this is exactly what earns him respect.
#8 The Yoda
This person always has the answers to the toughest sales prospecting questions and handles objections like a pro. He’s adept at closing the most complicated deals and has the smoothest sales moves.
He’ll be the one hanging out by himself at the party because nothing is better than his own company. Approach them only if absolutely necessary!
#9 The Offloader
Masters of delegation, this person knows how to get work off his back onto an unwitting coworker. He’ll be the one closing his personal deals at the dinner table, putting others to work with talks that are sweeter than the dessert.
Who were you thinking of while reading this article? We’d love to hear about it!
(GIF courtesy: www.giphy.com)